Dominance is an Obligation…Really?

I saw this meme the other day and I really liked it.

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The words, the picture, I like everything about this. Absolutely everything…except that second line. Let me say one quick thing and feel free to disagree all you want, Dominance should NEVER feel like an obligation. An obligation is something you have to do. It’s an expectation for services rendered, part of your job. Paying your bills is an obligation. Putting gas in the tank when you borrow someone’s car, that’s an obligation. Doing your household chores…obligation.

I don’t have words strong enough to say how fiercely I don’t ever want someone to see me as their chore. The thing he has to do because I clean or cook for him, or kneel at his feet, or run his errands, or put myself at his everyday service in a thousand little mundane ways and perhaps only a hundred intimate ones. If submission is a gift, how can dominance be anything less?

I don’t want someone to feel obligated to Dom me. I want him to do it because he can’t help himself. Because it’s a hunger, a passion, an ache deep down in his core that triggers every time I bend to his will or desire. I’ve spent 20 years as someone’s “chore” and, trust me, I’ll never do that again. While my husband and I are doing our best to walk away as friends, I do recognize I am not leaving without my share of scars. So, maybe this is one of them. Maybe I’ve got an irrational view of this and, if so, so be it. All I know is being someone’s obligation doesn’t feel anywhere near as lovely as either the picture or the sentiment.

16 thoughts on “Dominance is an Obligation…Really?

  1. Firstly Mrs Smith ((((((HUG)))))) – i 100% agree with what you are saying & understand the feelings behind it. Your view is not irrational but totally valid! Because submission is your gift to him his Dominance is his gift in return to you, if he treats it as a chore & does not do it from a deep yearning desire in response to your own yearning desire to submit. Then there is no connection no deeper feelings or love & that can only lead to heart ache & pain (within a relationship) or a sense of loss of connection with what you both need (during a scene). D/s is a two way street you each feed the other with what they need to bring out the sub or Dom side. It should never feel like an obligation, what a hurtful way to view it or feel that someone sees you that way! The picture & words are beautiful except for as you said that one line!

  2. I’m very dominant myself. If my submissive becomes my “obligation” I feel the need to move on. My dominance, my protection and my unending passion to do everything I can to make us both happy should be enough. If it’s not then I’m not the dominant for you. It’s a two way street. A good dominant takes care of his submissive. A great dominant desires to take care of his submissive.

    • I don’t know if it’s a matter of rude. As another visitor to the blog pointed out, she viewed the word “obligation” more like “calling”. To her, there were absolutely no negative connotations to either the phrasing of that part of the meme or its personal meaning to her, and perhaps the author of the meme felt the same way. It’s a big world out there. I don’t mind differences in opinions; it’s what keeps us all so interesting. I just know it hasn’t changed mine. I still don’t want to be someone’s obligation.

    • I agree. Everybody is different and it’s our differences that keep us all so interesting. So if that’s what “obligation” means to you, then by all means I won’t disagree either. Just because it’s the way I view it, that doesn’t make it the only way it can be viewed. Peace right back, and thank you so much for stopping by.

  3. If I can be a little crass here—obligation has the same feel IMO as a “pity fuck.” I don’t need, nor do I want, a pity fuck. Like you said, it needs to be something they initiate because being in the same room with me makes their so dick hard they can’t wait to make me kneel–pushing the boundaries in both our roles. I don’t want to become the nine o’clock appointment, after I’ve begged for a week. Yet on the flip side I love having scheduled Maintenance Night, but it is like date night with spanking, we look forward to it. Not a scheduled chore, like the trash on Friday morning. I’m sorry things didn’t work, and I hate that you have scars. But scars are proof that you are resilient and courageous, and they won’t always be sore and tender, they’ll just become something you look at saying to yourself, “I survived that, see!” Take care, Maren:)

  4. I totally agree. It is diminishing to both parties for one person to feel obligated to another, in whatever sphere in life you are using it. Life is too short to stay with someone you feel obligated to. It creates resentment for both parties.
    I hope you and your husband continue to be able to walk away from each other without bitterness and anger. It is painful to end a relationship anyway, without adding more pain.

    • Thank you, Rachel. We’ve been able to stay friends because for the last fourteen years of our marriage, that’s all we ever were. Now we both want more, which is better (I suppose) than one of us wanting more and the other being content.

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