I survived Sea World

They should give out prizes at the door when you leave, because I’m telling you, this was an accomplishment! It’s also something I can now cross off the bucket list and never feel I have to do again.

Holy cow, there were oodles and oodles of people out there! It was elbow room only. They’re doing some sort of Trick or Treat thing for little kids that included a candy treasure hunt. So they were running literally everywhere. Veterans and their families got in either free or at a reduced price, I’m not sure. There were a couple other lines for companies or groups (I can’t remember who they were anymore) who got in free or at a reduced price. And get this, they have two lines you have to stand in just to get inside! You buy your ticket in one line and then go stand in line somewhere else so you can show them the ticket you bought and then get in the door!

I must say, I don’t understand this process. Why don’t they move the ticket booths in front of the doors so people only have to stand in line once? Novel thought, I know. It wasn’t saving time to have two lines. I really think that somewhere overlooking Sea World, whoever was in charge of this decision is standing at a window, chuckling to himself and saying, “Look, Martha. Look at all the people I’m making stand in line twice today.” Chuckle, chuckle, snicker, snort!

Still, eventually we did get in and we got to see some cool things. Was it $79 x3 adults worth of cool? I don’t think so, although the whale show was totally awesome. Those whales were having a blast. They zeroed in on this really elegant-looking woman in a bright, bright pink fancy shirt and proceeded to just torment the hell out of her.

They have a trick where they’re supposed to make a pass around the pool, splashing the crowd as they go. Well, the woman in pink must have thought she was sitting far enough back to avoid getting wet. Heh. She wasn’t. When the whale got her on the first (notice I said first) splash, she leapt up and started running for the stairs. Now, she was sitting dead center of the row and like I said, the place was packed. So it took her a LONG time to get there. The minute she started running, however (cue the Wild Kingdom prey-chasing music), like a gazelle running on the African planes, the lion (aka killer whale) zeroed in on his prey. That cussed whale chased her all the way to the stairs, splashing joyously and drenching her (and everyone else) the entire way.

On the other side of the pool, the trainer was desperately slapping the water, trying to call the whale over and get him back into the normal routine, but the whale kept on Miss Pink Shirt until she finally fell out of the row she was in and raced far enough up the stairs to be out of range. And there she stood…dripping…while the whale made a few more laps around the pool, laughing (we all heard him) and probably waiting to see if she’d come back down so the game could resume. Eventually, he took pity on his trainer and returned to that side of the water. The trainer scolded him the entire way, but the whale didn’t care. He just rolled on his back, slapping his belly in mirth with both fins, and laughed aquatically to himself for the rest of the show.

We got to see some other cool things, too. Dolphins, flamingos, sea otters, sharks, manta rays, the turtle rescue and, of course, the food courts. I swear, they must have had a flippin’ food court every three feet. I wasn’t hungry going into that place, but man, by the time I staggered out, I was ready to eat a horse. If only I’d looked far enough, I’m pretty sure I’d have found the food court that served them.

I’m not proud of this, but one lady passed just a little too close to me and, honest to God, the thought ran through my head–I can take her. She was just a skinny little thing. Scrawny, really. One quick elbow to the ribs, then grab her funnel cake and run. I’d have disappeared into the crowd. No one would ever have caught me.

Yeah, not my proudest moment. But I turned to Dad, kind of laughing as I told him this, and he said, “We just passed a jelly belly on the ground and I thought to myself, ‘I like jelly bellies.’ I almost picked it up and ate it.”

Okay. Definitely time to get out of Sea World.

So now we’re back in our hotel room, sunburned, exhausted–my hips and feet are passing around a petition that says if I ever do something like that without proper notice again, they’re leaving me–and all I can think is how I really want a trophy with a whale on it that says, ‘I survived Sea World’. And maybe a sandwich. But mostly, I just want the trophy.

On a completely unrelated note (this is just where my mind wanders when it feels like it ought to be two in the morning and it’s really only 6pm), my mother (the Queen of inappropriate gift giving) went to a New Orleans’ oyster bar once. She came back with t-shirts for my 6-year-old brother and 7-year-old sister that said, ‘Shuck Me, Suck Me, Eat Me Raw’…and then didn’t understand why we were A.) appalled and B.) couldn’t stop laughing.


One thought on “I survived Sea World

  1. That is hilarious, Maren!
    That part about the woman in pink had me tickled! I am going to send my SIL to Sea World in a hot pink shirt. 😉

    Why didn’t you buy something to eat? Or is it super expensive, like $10 for a hotdog, and you didn’t want to spend the money?
    LOL, my husband has seen me at my worst; and it almost always has something to do with me being hungry. 🙂

    I become Gollum when I am hungry. “Searching. For my. Preshhhhous..”

    LOL, hopefully that didn’t happen to you!

    I’m glad you survived your trip!

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